Why I Do Not Like Hiking
by Hugh Sluggard
1. Hiking is hard work
I do not like hiking because I abhor physical and, indeed, challenges of any other kind. If it weren’t for the kids, I would gladly spend my holidays on the sofa, watching old episodes of Happy Days. Ah, the Fonz! They don’t make ‘em like that anymore, you know.
2. Hiking exposes you to the elements
Wind, sunshine, rain: what’s so great about that? Personally, I like to experience the world from inside air-conditioned spaces. The world, after all, is a messy place and best kept at an arm’s distance.
A good holiday is something like what we did in Paris last year. We slept in an American hotel, ate in a steak restaurant every evening and, on our City Tour, never left the bus once. And why should we? I mean: would the Eiffel Tower have looked any different if we had approached it on foot instead?
3. Hiking holidays are dangerously unpredictable
Just think of all the things that can go wrong! Once you are out of your comfort zone, literally anything can happen – and then what? I, for one, like my holidays to go like clockwork.
A vacation is a sequence of events that, ideally, I can tick off a list: find a US rail holiday (tick), visit an old church (tick), build a sandcastle on the beach (tick), have a romantic candlelight diner (tick).
Come to think of it, a good holiday is a lot like a good day in the office. Surprises and the unforeseen only spoil the fun.
4. Hiking is for hippies
Let’s say you do go hiking in your holidays, what are you going to tell your friends and neighbours? They will only think you haven’t got the money to take your family anywhere decent.
And what pictures are you going to show to everybody back home in the office: pictures of you in front of a tree? They will think you’ve gone mad.
The guy in the cubicle next to mine took his family to Disneyworld last year, and to prove it, he has put up a photo of him shaking the hand of Goofy. Now that’s what I call a holiday experience.
5. I have never done hiking before
Why try something I have never tried before? All the problems in the world have started with people trying out something new. Enough of that, I say.
Hahahaha, I know how you feel, Jackie, what with my full head of white hair.
Can’t imagine not heading out on foot to explore. In fact we dread the time when we become so old or unhealthy that we can’t do our sightseeing on foot. We were encouraged by the number of ‘older-than-us’ folk we met in Crete who had completed hikes in its many gorges and other not-so-easy terrain. What scares me is when we ask directions to somewhere and the person answering says, “It is quite a distance. . .probably four blocks.” Yikes! How old do we look??!!
Well I like hiking and I don’t complain about it at all.
The scenery is so impressive and its good exercise and at the end of it you can get a refreshing drink
This is a very interesting article!
Hahaha, how often we’ve had such remarks (“You mean, you want to get there ON FOOT?”) or the puzzled look from people on the road too. Thanks for dropping by Chad.
Funny Post. There are actually alot of people who think that way. I had roommates at one time who used to ask me why I would walk somewhere if I didn’t have to.
Easy hiking is not really hard work as long as you pace yourself, not doing more than what your body can take in a day or even in 3-4 hours. It’s not trekking with your mini flat in your backpack. Thanks for dropping by,Christine.
My one and only reason used to be: It’s hard work! But then I got more into traveling and trekking became a great excuse for me to not only sweat out all the foreign calories I’ve gorged myself on, but a scenic cultural experience, as well. That was my dangling carrot. Since then I’ve started to find hiking more enjoyable as an occasional activity. It’s still a workout but one which is more pleasant than a gym!
Haha, Sophie. Nothing escapes your eyes, then. Nope, not an alter ego at all. A “guest poster”.
So – Hugh Sluggard, eh? Your alter ego?
You got me there, Cathy.
I think this was a very amusing post! I love hiking (and get the feeling that Hugh doesn’t mind an easy hike now and then, either). The pint of beer looks very good (and Easy Hiker looks very content).
Yes, that’s one more reason, Amy.
You forgot loathing that sense of accomplishment and marveling at beauty of the natural world….
All I kept picturing was Archie Bunker…LOL….I think it’s hilarious however, not the way I would experience it.
Bravo, Debbie!
While I do enjoy hiking and completely disagree with the points made, I thought this post was hilarious! Thanks for making me laugh :)
Well at least I calmed down enough to see that it was an attempt to be humorous – even if I didn’t find it funny! :)
Sorry that you didn’t find it funny, Jeremy. Can’t win ’em all.
I have to disagree with this completely – and this comes from someone who actually has to worry about tree roots and rocks when hiking because I really could break my ankles!
This is just a cop out. Poor excuses. There are REALLY easy hikes anyone out there can do that can avoid all of these things. I could argue a lot of these. However, two things – I have photos of places that are FAR more spectacular than shaking Goofy’s hand. And if you want to avoid unpredictability, never leave your home!!
I get that this post was a bit tongue-in-cheek but even so, the arguments are quite stupid and ridiculous even if it is meant to be funny. I guess reading it made me mad rather than laugh.
I cannot relate to this article at all. I love to hike!
Absolutely, Ted.
I could write a post mirroring this one except I would take the word “not” out. The pint of beer tastes so much more delicious after you work for it.
I seem to recall scanning an article about why one fellow didn’t like hiking and one reason he cited was that he would just risk tripping on a tree root and hurting his ankles. I mean, poor pampered ankles.
Can’t relate to people who feel like that – but I guess hiking is just not part of their comfort zone. Then again I can’t relate to people who want to nothing but shop.